Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Everyone look at me...I'M A STAR!!!

  I know it has been a while...I should be a professional juggler by now! Between my boyfriend, my job, my bills, and my family I feel like a star in a three ring circus.  Everyone look at me, I'm a star...now fork over the $20 a ticket cuz I got bills to pay!!! LOL   
  My job...you know I find that more often than not as of late I have to tell myself several times a day that I am AWESOME at what I do and I deserve to be working in this field and for this company.  I hate having to give myself a pep talk EVERY morning before I go to work just to make it through the first 5 hours. Why is it that no matter how hard I try to prove myself there is always a line of people just chomping at the bit to throw me under the bus...to put me down...to down play the work I have done? I am really really good at what I do and I truly feel that I am better than 80% of the guys that work at that place. I just wish that I didn't have to force myself to get up for work...to get ready for work...to get in my car and GO TO WORK. That isn't how it should be, is it?
  Then there is this helpless feeling I have where my life is concerned!!!  I truly feel like I am strapped to the bumper of an out of control car and no matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter how hard I try to get control of it...it gets worse and worse and I get in deeper and deeper. Why can't I get on top of my bills, of my debt, of my life? What do I have to do? I know I have hit bottom and I thought that the only way from there was UP but I am still sitting at the bottom looking up wondering when exactly that is going to happen. Oh if money only grew on trees...my life would be so much easier!!
  I need a change for the better and I need one soon before I lose it. My job is no longer enjoyable for me...I hate going to it everyday. My relationship is strained due to the fact that we never get to spend any time together because work for him comes first and work for him is not anywhere near me. My family is spread out all over the U.S. and Canada and I hate not having my brothers close to me to get that big brother (or big Little brother) hug that a sister needs sometimes. My bills are about to drown me and I could turn to the one person in my life that is capable of helping me but I cannot handle the lectures and I cannot handle being made to feel stupid for getting myself in so deep...I have done that enough to myself I do not need it from someone else.
  So, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and I don't know how to fix it all...I wish I had a magic lamp with a genie inside that would grant me 4 wishes instead of three so that I could prevent myself from being squished. Oh if only my wishes could come true!!

4 comments:

Jamie said...

Pray about it. Seriously when I went through some pretty tough times and no one really understood, I could always talked to my Father in Heaven.

Love You~

angela kate said...

Hey Doll, we need to get together again, it pains me to hear your cries. I want to be there for you, I know that bills are overwhelming and that work is all you have to occupy your time lately and it is hard not to focus on the negative. Don't quit the blog, it is good to vent your emotions so they don't overwhelm you. Even if no one reads it, but i read it, just not as often as i should. I want to get together on the 18th of December if you can and we can have another night with just us, i don't care if we just chill at your house, you need a CLOSE friend to talk to. Love you honey, call me!

Jamie said...

Hey Danie,

I was hoping to find a new post tonight. . . so I will comment AGAIN :) I sure am wishing you were closer.....I need more friends around right now to celebrate tomorrow properly. How much fun we would have, forgetting our worries and stresses by drowning them out with punch shots and laughter! Give me a ring or a note on my blog tomorrow It would really lift me up. 2 years tomorrow! Love You and really missing you right now!

Angela said...

I too was hoping for a new post so i will also post a socond time. Just thinking about you and wondering how you are feeling. IM me on FB sometime, I am always there~

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