The "Keep Danielle Up ALL Night" list

  There are so many random thoughts running through my head right now...I feel like I can make sense of some and others are just there to plague me and keep my mind spinning so that I cannot go to sleep.  Thoughts like, I love my job...I love what I do...but I feel like no matter how hard I try to prove that I am not just some dumb girl trying to do what is classified as a man's job, it is never enough...it is no where close to good enough for everyone else.  I spend the whole year working on the things that I was asked to work on and then it comes time to get evaluated again and it is all about working on the same stuff and I have to bite my tongue and keep from getting upset.  And you know how it is said that WOMEN are the ones that are gossip mongers? Well, I have news for anyone who thinks that way...come work at my job for a week and you will come to learn that MEN are actually the worst at gossip. Without fail I get a laugh everyday because of some gossip...some sort of rumor...that is being spread like wildfire and it is being embelished on even faster than it spreads. The worst though is being a minority in my line of work, and by minority I mean being a girl. I could be gone from work sick for a week and by the time I got back there would be some new story involving me going around and I have to tell you that it is very frustrating because even though they aren't true, even though there is no solid proof to back the rumor up, it is believed by any and all who hear it...INCLUDING the people higher up in the company. I mean don't people have better things to do with their time than worry about me and what I do or do not do? I guess not.  Oh well though, I have become very tough skinned and 99% of the time I just have to laugh because there is no point in adding to their stories by getting upset.  All that matters is that I love my job, I love what I do, and I put all I have to give into it each and every day. When I go home at the end of the day I am happy with me because I gave it my all and I gave it my best.
 Thoughts of my boyfriend rank right up there at the top of the "Keep Danielle Up ALL Night" list. I am in love with my boyfriend and not only am I in love with him...I am in love with being in love with him.  I never thought that I would be so lucky to have the kind of love I have always dreamed about having, but I have it and it is even better than I dreamed it would be. He is everything to me and he makes me feel so beautiful and loved and cared about and important and happy and WANTED. From day one he  gave me butterflies in my stomach and even now after being together for so long...I still get them. He is so perfect for me...for example, he is content just sitting on the couch playing with my hair or holding my hand or cuddling and I am in seventh heaven doing just that with him.  We don't have to go out all the time and he doesn't have to buy me things or always be doing something...we are happy and comfortable and simply perfect just being together.  The thing that gets me though is how much it hurts just being away from him for a couple days. I ache for his arms around me and I yearn for the sight of him when we are apart and I never thought that I would love someone that much. He fits in so well with my family and he treats my mom so well and that is very VERY important to me because since my dad passed away she is all I got...she is my best friend and it is important that he treats her so good. I could go on and on and on but I don't want to make anyone sick with my love talk so I will just leave it at this...I used to be able to picture my life alone and just me but ever since he has come into my life I can't even pretend to imagine my life...my future...without him in it. I am in love with him and he is in love with me and that is the most important thing.
  Making ends meet from paycheck to paycheck is one of those constant on going thoughts in my head that keeps me up most nights. But I can only do what I can do and if it isn't enough then I only have myself to blame and so there is no use taking it out on other people...I will weather this storm like I have others and eventually I will come out on top.
  So, there are just a few of the thoughts running through my mind tonight.  There are many many more but I don't want to bore everyone to tears...assuming anyone but my best friend, Jamie, reads this. I suppose that I will try to coax my brain into shutting down for the night so that I can at least get a couple hours of sleep before I have to get up for work...hopefully I win that battle tonight...hopefully.